Dickweed – Our rabbity hero. Junior Replacement Briar Scout Third Class.
Dickweed is an orphaned runt and about as popular as herpes on a Honeymoon. In moments of quiet reflection, of which, thanks to a social calendar that would make a leper blush, there are many, he dreams of performing heroic deeds to earn the acceptance of his peers. For you see, Dickweed is absolute rock-bottom of the class, living Tunnel Grip-Tape and a Virgin with a Capital Vee. Ever the optimist however, because it’s either that or a one way trip to The Road, Dickweed is waiting patiently for life to throw him a chance to shine. Things can only get better after all! Right? What? You mean? Really? Seriously? Oh! Come on! Now you’re just taking the pi-
Marigold – Dickweed’s closest companion, which says it all really.
Marigold, or Fizz as he is known, is a loud, rude, former lab-rabbit with one or two issues. He is banned from approximately 96% of all official Warren gatherings for being a disruptive influence. What he lacks in social graces however, he more than makes up for in athletic prowess! Something of a phenomenon blessed with the brains of a Rocking Horse, Marigold divides opinion. He is a bit like Marmite in that respect. Indeed when left unchecked, he will also go slightly crusty around the edges and start smelling faintly of yeast.
Pansy – An ageing rabbit with a seriously girly name.
Pansy is a cantankerous old misery, a dreadful cynic and pretty much burning up with hate and regret. It is only natural therefore that for many years he has pursued a successful career in teaching. Pansy has history. An eventful past shall we say, that to be honest, if looked at in a certain way and you did not know better, might make him look like a bit of a wrong’un! He has carefully avoided thinking about it for most of his adult life, because that’s what blokes do isn’t it? But as we all know, like Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs, or a one night stand with a fat chick, one’s past does have a rather annoying habit of catching up with you eventually…
Kenneth Antrobus De’Ath – High Lord of The Quarry.
Kenneth did not get to his lofty position simply by being a devious, conniving, murderous, cold-hearted, back-stabbing bastard. It probably helped though. He has a smile that can curdle milk and the kind of voice that is one part Nigel Havers, two parts David Niven and three parts Beelzebub. The mere mention of his name sends a shiver down the fur of every woodland creature. You cross him at your peril. His decisions are final and more often than not, fatal.
Vincent Antrobus De’Ath – A sort of…well alright, a bit of a git really.
Young, handsome, athletic, quick-witted, intelligent and charming, (but then, it is always best for authors to write about what they know.), Vincent has it all! He has vixens on tap, servants, and a father with the kind of power that allows him the freedom to loll around like he owns the place. And one day of course, he will! If he only bides his time, The Quarry and every single creature with the misfortune to live within the boundaries of its territory, will be his to command. Or shag. Or eat. Or shag and then ea- no! A pity then, because Vincent is not known for his patience. The apple rarely falls far from the tree, and this one is full of razor-blades.